Peter Robinson

Every once in a while a book comes in the market which is not your usual thriller novel nor is it endorsed by some famous celebrities and yet it’s simple and truthful narratives it leaves an impact on us. “Snapshots from Hell” is once such book written by Peter Robinson the ex-speech writer for Former US President Ronald Regan. He famously wrote the Berlin wall speech for Regan.

This book is a must read for all those who are going to do MBA or are doing and have done it. The story is simple; Peter leaves Regan’s team and goes to Stanford to do an MBA and the story is about his two years in hell.

MBAs are a different league altogether, they live in a dream world where they see themselves ailing through life with a song in their heart and money in their wallets. But Caveat Empter, “Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here”, Peter writes this quote in the very beginning of the book.

He gives an account of his life in Stanford and how a “poet” like him transformed into a business minded person who could work on spreadsheets, give presentation, read and analyze “case studies” and almost everything one could imagine from an MBA to do. He explains about his 18 hour a day schedule, which was crammed with class on Trees, Macroeconomics and Finance.

The book is an excellent guide for MBA aspirants to understand the world of MBA and the kind of subjects they will face and how they need to prepare for this two year long war. The book makes one point quite clearly and that is MBA is not an academic degree but a Union Card for the yuppies. It’s not what you learn there but what you experience that counts.

I do not want give out a lot about this book because it’s a simple storyline and the genius of the book lies in its narrative, the man who brought tears into the eyes of millions by writing the “tear down the wall” speech is at his best in this book. You might not get any other chance to read him except for his books Regan or his research papers from Hoover Institute.

The best part of this book which all of you will appreciate is the detailed account of the various lectures he took. He has given an account of when they had to present a case on Southwest Airlines a low cost carrier in the US which was facing a stiff price war from Brainff Airlines. The Marketing professor asked Peter to present this case alone to the class and to his surprise, the professor had asked Herb Kelleher to join in on the discussion and explain how actually Southwest defended its turf.

Another such account is that of P&Gs Cinch, a dishwashing liquid which had seashell powder in it and was touted as the most effective liquid of that time. But, as the Brand Manager of Cinch explained it bombed and the reason it did so was that the seashells settled at the bottom of the jar and it needed a good fifteen minute shake to mix them into the liquid.

If ever anyone wants to know what an MBA is and does they must read this book and next time they happen to meet someone who is an MBA or is doing one, just give him/her a hug. Trust me that is one thing they run low on!

1. I hate hugging people. Its not me okay!! I dont like to hug people at all. Firstly, women have nauseating perfume on and men just stink, secondly, people do it for the heck of it and 99.99% of the times it lacks the genuine warmth of a hug. Thidly, I don’t get the hugs people have, you have the chat show hug which is basically a two way pat on the back, then you have the long lost friend hug in which its a big bear hug thingy, and then you have the retoric hug which basically means nothing but, people do it just to “show” they are warm and cordial.

2. I hate shaking hands. Its unhygienic, people sneeze on the hands, men use it to handle their “tools”, Indians even wash their  tooshis with it and eat food with it. Plus, if i do shake hands with someone, I hate extending my hands to shake the hands with people and I especially hate it when the shake lingers on for more than 2 seconds. I also hate the “Pakistani politician on tv style” double hand shake.

3. I hate it when people don’t give proper indication while driving especially when they cut corners or want to stop. I also hate it when people honk as if the horn is a mating call. I hate it when people overtake from the left and pretend as if it was my fault that they fell in the ditch.

4. I hate people with loud cars with lots of stickers and huge alloy wheels and dark mirrors. I mean its a Maruti Swift you are not racing anyone in it and do you even know what Hankook is? or what is ABS? Stop pretending to WRC champions ans those huge wheels are just screwing your car’s mileage and engine. Why do you need dark glasses? are you actually naked while driving? or is it that you don’t want people to see your ugly face?( in that case make it darker).

5. I hate people who think they are some big-shot business tycoon, when they actually are working as an account opening executive in some small bank. Your clients who open the accounts have the money and not you…

6. I hate people who force others to respect them. If you want it earn it. A person should command respect and not demand it. Stop, forcing people 2 semester junior to you to call you sir and also ask them to stand up in respect for you everytime you enter the classroom.

7. I hate fanatics for all the obvious reasons and also the fact they are fanatics for convenience and not for the genuine love for the nation/religion/party. I mean you want others to die for your cause and you want to live for it? why? die for your own cause and let others live for it.

8. I hate god at times. You are not fooling anyone god, you know you are doing things wrong accept it and correct it, all those years of reverence has gotten into your head, lighten up dude! stop trying to break me. If i break I come up and I make it hell for you, trust me!!

9. I hate my temper. I get so sadistic and evil that if I genuinely act upon it I can harm people permanently. I don’t fight with people but if I do I break bones like a hammer.

10. I hate losing. I hate it as simple as it  gets, I lost some things in life and now I am not losing anymore and I wont go down without a fight trust me.

I went to Kanpur after sometime and accidentally bumped into my old friend Prof. Keshav , we used to teach in the Lucknow Univesrity together some ten years ago. “You should come over for tea, your nephew Rakesh has got a wife now and you should come over“, Keshav pleaded to me on one hand and dragged me on to the tonga with the other in the bazaar.

“Namaste! what a nice surprise!“, Keshav’s wife exclaimed when she saw me standing outside their house. The house was a traditional kothi built by Keshav’s father just before the British left the country. The drawing room was well decorated and had many photographs , antiques and other knick-knacks.

“Ramlal! get sahab some water“, Keshav’s wife instructed the servant. “So what brings you to the city writer babu?“, Keshav asked me mockingly. “Nothing , I was here for a lecture and was heading back for the city  today evening“.

A beautiful young girl clad in a red saree came into the drawing room with a tray and placed it on the tea-table. “Beti! touch your uncle’s feet“, Keshav said to the girl and she promplty touched my feet and I blessed her and gave her some shagan.

“She topped her university and was awarded a trophy and she was also the state badminton team captain”, Keshav praised his daughter-in-law like any father-in-law would do for his son’s wife.  “Beti! go and bring your shield and show your uncle”, he instructed the girl. She brought her freshly cleaned university shield and showed it off with a glistening smile. She later went into the kitchen to help her mother-in-law.

“Keshav! why do you have a silver shoe as a showpiece”, I asked while staring at an odd looking small silver shoe .He picked it up in his hands and said “this is my trophy “. I was quite confused with his answer and then he came closer to me and narrated the story behind the Silver Shoe.

“My son is a barrister at the high court and so we expected a suitably educated wife for him and my neighbor Kantiji suggested me his niece Kavita.  We liked the family and soon we had the two wedlocked. I just like you belong to the “modern thinking” world and therefore, I took no dowry. ” he stopped to take his spectacles off and clear his throat.

“A few weeks after getting the two married , our relatives and near and dear ones kept asking about the dowry we got and my wife’s friends also kept asking her why she did not get 1 tola gold chain. After being pestered by my wife and my relatives for quite some time , I finally gave in and asked Kavita’s father to come over for tea.

I asked him for some dowry and he looked quite shocked and went away . A week later he came home with couple of jewelry boxes, pots and pans, and many other items. In one of the boxes I found this Silver Shoe and it explained it all.

It was not merely a shoe but a kick on our greedy behinds. He had given us everything we wanted and yet we asked for more. We had stopped to such a level that we made marriage a business transaction, apparently a beautiful and intelligent daughter-in-law was not enough for us and we wanted money and gifts to accept the girl into my family.

This shoe symbolizes my worth and I keep this here on this table as a reminder of my greed .” , he had a small tear in his eye and he kept the silver shoe down and looked at me and forced out a smile.

I was speechless and after finishing my tea I bid farewell to Keshav and his family and till this date I keep thinking about the Silver Shoe and if only all of us remember this Silver Shoe before we bend down in front of human greed.